Status Message: Courtesy: Anirudh Mani

She intrigues me.and scares me.interests me.but humours me too.to some extent,even fascinates me.i liked her once.i still do,but only as a charming wayfarer,taught me a valuable lesson once.tempting,though, she was.only for me to realise that there is an oddity to an ideal, perfect fit.we are meant to be flawed,so is our resonance and kinship.are her vested interests robed in acts of geniality?is she the protagonist while i'm just a side character?is it all an act of which i'm just a 30-second ad break?

Flying without wings

Disclaimer: This is my version of "Flight of Icarus"


Seeing the world from those little eyes,
of things to follow, of things desired;
dreams so big, dreams so high,
dreams that make you wanna cry in joy;


Eyes so small, eyes so wide,
a crystal ball or a shimmering light;
of fortune and fame, and making a name,
walking the path and learning the game;


Glittering gold and shining silver,
rays of hope, maybe rays of fire;
to make or break, and how to fake,
thinking too loud of things at stake;


Dreams so vivid, dreams so bright;
of things to follow, of things desired;
dreams so dark, and dreams so deep,
dreams that make you wanna cry in pain;


To lose and find and lose again,
time flies by and things have changed;
A broken heart, a broken soul,
a piece of paper, whiskey galore;


Chains of love, and chains of rage;
to pull her back, and make her stay;
of strings attached, those chains so strong;
to tie the wings and hold her down;


Eyes so small, eyes so wide,
chains so weak, to hold her stride;
She spreads her arms, no strength no vigor,
and stares for a moment, wishing it would last forever;


Dreams so cold and dreams so strange,
of things gone by and of things that have changed;
a tear, a moment, a smile, and a sigh,
today she flies in the sky so high !!

A “Lost and Frustrated Inc.” production

“A trip to Chennai “is a tale of two poor souls (me and Ashish Jogi) that may go on to become a full fledged movie in the near future.  So keep your eyes and ears wide open for you may see posters and hear a sweet voice on the radio or television announce “This summer, coming soon to a theatre near you, a twisted tale of two guys and their ordeals in the city of Chennai. “ Book your tickets today!!

Scene 1: A horribly scanned image of an examination form put up on the notice board of “Mumbai Patent office” is getting circulated on the internet. Mr. Jogi sees a perfect opportunity to put to practice the humongous amount of knowledge he has gained while working in the Intellectual Property domain. A sense of pride already feeling inside him, he forwards the examination form to me.

Scene 2: As I post the demand draft, I say to myself…lets crack this one. A halo has appeared over me by now. I feel this strange sensation running in me. Initially I presumed it was a burst of gas in my stomach.  However, the force was much lower than the bile juices create in my stomach.  I knew I had a herculean task at my hand.  I have always loved challenges.  Be it squeezing the entire tooth paste in less than 15 seconds in my mouth or filling the tube again with the paste. (Of course this one doesn’t come with a timeline).

Scene 3: Like two brothers who have been separated at birth and go on to become enemies, there is a showdown between Jogi and me. Unspoken words are heard and looks that could make a small boy pee in his pants are exchanged.   The electricity in the air is so high that Jogi receives the first shock. - FLU!! I can sense a conspiracy in the sickness. Maybe, just maybe he wanted to take a day off and really study. I felt sick in my stomach. My head started hurting and I could count birds and stars and cigarette butts around my head. I felt nauseated. I felt that I had been outsmarted. Totally Outplayed!! Beaten without even getting a chance to play my first shot or get my feet touch the ball. I decided that I had to do something and do it quick. I decided to take the next day off from work.

Scene 4: My cousin gave me a surprise. This was not helping. I could not study for more than 4 hours. A law book that needed at least one week of dedicated attention and study got just 4 hours from my side. I said to myself “Think quickly or be dead”. There was no turning back.

Scene 5: I concentrated hard and reinforced the halo over myself. I could not mess this up. I could hear the soundtrack from “The good, the bad and the Ugly” as I saw Jogi coming towards me. He had a wicked smile on his face.  Aah !! I thought!! One word from him about his preparation and I was going to fall.  Helplessly I waited..I felt heavy..and the extra flabs and tires that have appeared on my body were not helping.  I rest my head on the Guillotine..waiting for him to come and hand me the final blow..

Scene 6: 10 PM. Bangalore Bus Stand and we both were concentrating hard on the bible “The Indian Patent act and Rules – Amended 2005”. I had escaped the execution.  He had not studied and I realized that we both were sailing in the same pool of shit.  The flash light from Nokia 1100 and the electric bulbs of 40 W located at ever 100 mts in the bus stand were our only hope now. Like osmosis, we exchanged the little bit of knowledge we had gained from the book and from our experience in working in this domain. I could see a halo hovering over his head. The Brothers had reunited. A single moment passed by and the entire world around them was stuck. The lady boarding the bus, the street dog, the hawker selling samosas and chaat, the exhaust from the bus…everyting was frozen. Dead !! They realized how stupid they had been till now. They had to save their “ijjat” now and fight the evil around them.

Scene 7: The bharat-Ram milap did not last for long. The man at the inquiry counter shouted “10.30 PM bus to Chennai on platform number 69.”  They lifted their bags and started walking towards the bus. With dreams in their eyes, they showed the ticket to the conductor. (Sound of glass breaking somewhere in my head). This ticket is for 22^nd Jan and not 23^rd Jan. You should have come here yesterday..said the conductor in a mocking tone. I looked at Jogi ! My eyes almost burnt him. He was completely tanned by my anger.

Scene 8: After doing a lot of “JUGAAD” we had managed to catch a bus at 1 AM to Chennai.  My brain was playing the advertisement for MasterCard time and again…Day off from the office – RS 2000, E-Ticket Booking – Rs 750, Rick to Bus Stand – RS 100, Dinner – Rs 200, booking the ticket for the wrong day – Priceless !!

Scene 9: Macha !! wake up macha !! wake up macha !! “The guy from next seat” was shouting. We were so drunk that we didn’t even realize that the entire bus was empty and that we had reached Chennai. Jogi called up his friend and gave him the glad news that the warriors had arrived.

Scene 10: “Baby Nagar”, near Velachary Main Road (yes thats the name of a place - Baby Nagar!!)– I asked the auto driver. Yes sir, Rs 150. What? Was the reply that came from my mouth. Yes, that is my usual reaction when I find something that is too unbelievable. I often say “What” when I look at myself in the mirror !! (Naah !! Naah !! don’t think that I adore myself!! – So keep your comments to yourself.) “100” was the reply that Jogi gave. After a lot of debate, the war ended with Rs 120 “slaughtered” from our pockets.

Scene 11: We reach the place where we are supposed to stay. We enter the house…only to find ourselves stunned!!! AThe scene freezes...Heavy music playing in the background… scene starts rolling again...There was breakfast ready and waiting for us…my stomach started making weird noise…Just as I was about to eat my first bite..a little girl around 2 years old, came out from the other room…rubbing her sleepy eyes..She showed me what she had written in her slate board...It said – I.N.T.E.R.V.A.L

Please proceed and get your popcorn and coke and people who want to take a leak may go and do so…We shall return soon….

ATTJ – 2009 – Part 1

Round about this time, last year, I had written about my travelling experience to Jabalpur (ATTJ).

The reason for my trip to Jabalpur last year was Saumil’s engagement . The reason this time was Marriage.

Time flies by faster when you want things to slow down a little. Everything seems to be on the fast track. Everything except the train I boarded to reach Jabalpur. I personally feel that the Indian railways should rename the train from Sanghamitra express to BharatDarshan Passenger.

9 AM – Thursday Morning . A Marwadi, a Jain, a Kannadiga and 4 Biharis. Well who could ask for more. That reminds me about the new Murphy’s law. All beautiful girls (can be read as just girls also) will always be seated everywhere except where I am seated (boogie, compartment, blah blah) in a train.

I was dead tired from my last day’s work and had to catch up on a LOT of sleep. Maybe I should bond with the fellow passengers later, I thought. And hoping that dreams would surely treat me better than real life, I slowly relaxed myself.

4 PM – WTH !!! “Bangalore se Patna jane wali, 2295 Sanghamitra express thodi he der mein platform number 7 se ravana hone ke liye taiyar hai” (for those who are wondering why my Hindi Sucks – It’s just a n exact repeat of what I heard). Rubbing my eyes, I get down on the platform and receive my first shock.

CHENNAI !!! Yes the holy, mother of all, suckmitra express was in Chennai !! Yes, from Bangalore to Patna via Chennai !!!

I spent half the day in a train only to reach Chennai !! With a depressed sigh, I ate my lunch. The Marwari guy was the first to break the ice.

With a stupid and irritating smile on his face he asked me “Kya karte hai aap?” – I wanted to avoid him, and thought of coming up with something fancy like “baap ke paas bahut paisa hai, isliye bas bharat dekhne nikal pada, ya chori karta tha, abhi abhi jail se choot kar aa raha hun!!

Engineer aur pseudo lawyer hun !! – came the reply.

Engineer aur lawyer, kaafi padai ki hai, to shaadi ho gayi aapki? He asked !!

“kyun aapki beti ko koi rishta nahi mil raha kya? Was what I wanted to say, but by now his stupid smile was not that irritating after all… so I said, haan, 2 bacche bhi hain !!

Kya baat hai !! kaafi young dikhte hai aap !! he said..

Realizing that this wasn’t going to really help, all I said “Thank you” hoping that this would be the last of this conversation.

Aapki biwi aur bache nahi aaye !! he said.

“aah !! this guy won’t give up, I thought” nahi who…and I picked my phone pretending that someone was calling me.

The next stop was Vijaywada . I called up home !! they were expecting that I must have crossed daund, and would be another 6 to 7 hours from Nagpur !!

Mom was as usual comforting and told me to relax when I told her the story. The train was already running 2 hours late (something to do with trains that start or end in UP or Bihar)

In order to avoid any more silly conversations, I opened the new book, 2 States by ChetanBhagat and started reading it.

Kuch khayenge aap? Meri biwi ne ghar se kaafi kuch bheja hai khaane ke liye – said the marwadi guy.

Ji Nahi, shukriya – I said.

A lot of more interesting things happened when the biharis and the Jain guy also got involved. (but I shall leave that part for another entry). (the kannadiga couldn’t really figure out that I was also a kanadiga !! thanks to my hindi, the long kurta and the kada in my hand.)

Next day, and by 10 AM, 2 States was over. I wonder why he is a bestseller in India. Anyways, that itself is a completely different topic and we shall rest the 2 states case here itself.

The train had crossed Nagpur, and I was feeling hungry !! My stomach had slowly started making weird and funny noises !!

Aap kuch khate ya peete nahi hai kya, the marwadi guy said.

Oh no, not again!!!- I thought !!,

Yeh lejiye, try kariye, bahut badiya hai !! I was too tired to fight back. Besides, the food wasn’t that bad. Infact his wife was a pretty good cook !!

By 12, the Jain and the Marwari had bonded really well. It’s amazing how totally random and strange people in India can unite over so many matters. In politics, from Lalu Prasad, statue’s of Mayawati to Loss of BJP in the recent elections, to religion, detest for Islam, and the spoilt youth of today, the mini skirts, the tight pants, and the live-in relationships.

I found myself being dragged in every conversation. I was getting tired, so started reading catch 22. What an irong I thought !!

Itarsi at 4 PM and Jabalpur at 6.45. In between, there were many a fights between the Ticket checker and the passengers. I kind of felt bad for the TT. He was a tam, and the passengers who were arguing with him were biharis, bhopali’s and allahabadi’s. Neither party could understand what the other party was saying. In the end, the general class ticket holders managed to stay put in the reservation compartment. By the time, Jabalpur came; a single berth was occupied by around 5 to 6 people.

What’s the point of even getting a reservation done ? I thought !!

The journey had been tiring – physically and mentally !! I prayed for better things to follow !!!

They did, and they did in the most amazing manner. If I could rewind the entire journey, I would probably, tag that image of mine when I got down from the train and stepped outside the station – The prey !!!

Don't know where to go ?

listening to your heart" OR "following your heart".

Things would be clear...they should be...

Maybe they won't..you want to commit and then you want to hold yourself back..

Hidden joy or continuous state of trance...till when...and why not?

Four ways to go and one way to choose...can't i just stay put....and then so little time..

Being extreme, being romantic romantic, being just normal...

Variance

It’s been almost a week. Still no clue about the anonymous person who sent me the flowers. As perplexed today as i was yesterday.

The flowers are still lying on my desk. Fresh flowers a week back! Potpourri today!

A vibrant moment found its place in mundane affairs.

Thank You!

Venting Dreams

No affirmations, no abandonment, not much of thinking at all.

Get up, brush your teeth, take a bath, go to office, do your work, hang out with friends if you feel like, listen to music, eat a lot, stare at the phone ringing, chew gum, watch some movies, learn some coding, read maximum city, call up home, sleep, wake up, body ache and venting dreams.

The daemons of the past have been long gone. There is no corner in my mind or my heart for them. 

Not even reminiscing of a subconscious mind.

 And day by day, these venting dreams keep pulling me back. 

Free as a bird in these venting dreams, only to realize when you wake up that your wings have been tied and your flight is short. 

 A desire to gain freedom from inhibitions, responsibilities, worries, memories, control, expectations and forbiddance. 

Two steps at a time I move ahead and one step at a time I am pulled back.